Despite the mess of the custody agreement, there was a redeeming thing that happened during my sophomore year. Right at the end of it. A shining beacon of hope in the darkness that I was living in. I decided that I wanted to take photography that year and I was so excited. I waited two long trimesters before I was finally able to enter into that room full of cameras and film.
I had noticed him in band. He was that cute guy across the room, playing the trombone. He had an easy smile and I thought he was incredibly good looking. I don’t know why I didn’t notice him until that winter when he broke up with his girlfriend. Then I noticed him more when they got back together. Before they got back together I remember hoping that he would notice me, hoping that he would take interest in me. So when he got back together with her, I was devastated. I remember when I first realized that they were really back together and that there was no hope for me.
I was waiting in the band room for school to start. This is where we would all typically gather, caching up on the latest gossip, frantically finishing homework that was due in our first period classes.
I saw him come through the door and immediately noticed the huge, purple stuffed dog he was carrying. It looked ridiculous, but I couldn’t help but feel a little stab of jealously. No one has ever brought me a big, stuffed animal before. I thought, dismayed as my eyes followed his path.
He walked straight up to her. “Happy one year!” he said proudly, presenting her with the silly dog.
“Aw!! You are too sweet!” she gushed, flinging her arms around him and giving him a kiss on the lips. I turned away at this, embarrassed for them, but my ears perked up when I heard someone say, “It hasn’t even really been a year has it? I mean you broke up for like two months…”
“We don’t count those few months,” she said haughtily.
Rats, I thought, they are back together. Oh well, it was just a crush, nothing more. I’m over it. I am totally over it. I continued with my year, scoping out other boys that I could potentially date and making up silly scenarios in my head aided by romance movies and books.
I signed up for photography that year and I was thrilled when third trimester finally rolled around and I walked into that room full of cameras and film. (So just for the record, yes I know how to develop film the old fashioned way. It really is the only way to do it. It is so much fun!) I was totally happy, full of the typical first day of class anticipation. I chatted away with a girl from band and waited for the class to start. Then, I saw him. He walked into the photography room and I followed his out of the corner of my eye and watched as he sat down the back of the classroom. I wasn’t sure if I was thrilled or terrified so, I ignored him and continued chatting. Soon he was scooting his chair over near us saying something to the effect of “Band kids! I feel like I should join in on the fun!”
We sat through the first day of class formalities and as the class wore on we became friends. We laughed and helped each other with projects. I literally did anything to be near him. I would purposely make a big show out of going to the printer to get my photos, I would deliberately go to the matting table at the same time as him. I just wanted to be noticed.I dressed nicer, I did my hair better, I became happier. I was astonished at my transformation.
I guess you could call what we were doing flirting. Kind of… Sort of… But he had a girlfriend, so there was this invisible line that was not allowed to be crossed.
I remember him making fun of the pictures I took for one of the projects. I had chosen to take photos of my cats and I had about 20 different photos that I was going though, editing them, and making them look nice. I really wanted to do well on the project I was working on.
“Meow”
I heard someone say, as I intently stared into the computer screen. I looked up confused and turned around to see him smiling at me as he walked towards the matting table. I smiled back and laughed, shaking my head as I went back to my work.
That became his standard greeting toward me. Every time he would see me he would meow at me. He was making fun of my affinity for my cats and our little inside joke made our friendship seem stronger and a little bit dangerous.
I habitually left lunch early to develop film, knowing full well that he skipped lunch so he could stay in the dark room developing photos. I walked into the room and went through the revolving door to the dark room.
“Oh, hi!” I said as he looked up to see who was disturbing his peace.
“Hi” he replied as he turned back to the photo he was working on. We continued in relative silence, quietly singing to the songs on the radio in the room. I finished exposing my photo just as he did and we both walked over the developing table at the same time. We made small talk as we moved out photos through the developing process. He picked up one of his photos and purposely splashed the left over water and fixer on me. I squealed.
“There is fixer on that! It stains!! Oh my gosh, if you stained my only white sweater I am going to be so mad.” I said in mock horror.
“Oh it is going to be fine!” his easy-going attitude showing through in his caviler response as he edged closer to the door. I frantically tried to wipe off the residue as he went through the revolving door. I went to follow him. I turned the door and it stopped revolving just as the opening had fully closed. I was stuck.
Oh my gosh, I thought as I tried to move the door. It wouldn’t move. I started to panic. I am stuck in the darkroom door. I cannot go back into the darkroom; I can’t get into the classroom. It is so dark. I am getting scared. I kept trying the door. No luck.
“Meow?”
I heard the familiar sound just as I was about to call for help.
“Zak?! What are you doing?! Are you holding the door! Let me out?! I want out?” I yelled. I tried to feign anger, but I was giggling like a little girl when I found out that it was him who was holding me captive.
“Meow?” I heard again as I kept trying to move the door.
“Oh my gosh! Let me out!” I said. I was starting to get a little irritated.
“Meow” This time the noise sounded a little more serious. It was like he was having a conversation with me through cat noises.
“Alright,” I replied, “That is enough. Let me out!” I heard silence on the other side of the door. I cautiously pushed at the wall, relaxing as it spun around revealing the light of the classroom. “Finally,” I said. As I walked out into the classroom my eyes slowly adjusting to the bright light streaming through the windows, ready to yell at Zak as he smugly stood by the matting table.
“What is your problem?!” I said, again trying to act mad but just sounding giddy.
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