Falling Out.

This is the post I never thought I was going to write, because I was convinced that I could have some faith in people or at least this person. But I was proven wrong. 

It is a weird feeling falling out of love. It is like you are slowly becoming less and less enamored with a person. Like you start to see more of their faults. Essentially, you start to realize how little you matter to them because they prove over and over again how little they want you in their life. 

I'm not going to lie, it sucks. It sucks a lot. It is also incredibly painful. It is like a part of you is being slowly ripped away or like something is beating on you over and over again until your last finger slips off the edge of the cliff. 

It is amazing to me that something that feels so good when you are falling into it can hurt so much on the backside. I like to think that everyone can feel love and everyone has a little bit of good and compassion. Ironically, when I said that I was going to have to fall out of love and he offered to make it easier by being a jerk or something, I said no. Because I had the opinion that maybe being in love with him for a little while longer wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I wanted to hold on to the magic for a little while longer. I also didn't want him to deliberately spoil my opinion of him. 

But now, I think I have started to see how he really is. I don't matter all that much anymore, even if I just try to keep in some semblance of touch just to see how life is, I end up getting a bored, cold shoulder. Because there are more interesting and less emotional people to talk to...I guess. 

It sucks. Falling out of love with someone. The rose colored glasses come off and the harsh realities of a life lived in the boundaries of the "real" world stab you in the back and the falling out of love is just the knife twisting deeper. 

Not that this is going to make me any less of an idealist. I am far too stubborn to have my opinion and outlook on life changed by one person who couldn't believe in anything beyond his fingertips. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less. 

It is actually kind of like getting dumped all over again. Funny thing is, I have been having the same weird feeling all week that I had the few days before he dumped me. Maybe I should start listening to my body. 

At any rate, here it is. The inevitable. I knew I was going to have to fall out of love with him in order to move on, I just never thought it would actually ever happen, or that he would actually force me to do it. 

So here I stand, slowly but surely, falling out of love. Mazel Tov.