Together.

Okay, so let me preface this by saying that I am going off the current course with my blog. I just have something in my head that will not leave until I write about it. I tried to do that this afternoon, but it didn't help. 

Let me also preface what I am about to write with the fact that what follows is simply some of my inner feelings, the pangs of emotion or thought that come up when I think of something, hear something, see something. This is in no means a call for something greater, it is just something I need to say. 

So here we go. 

Sometimes there are things that I wish we could have done together.

I wish we could have cooked more with each other. I wish I could have shown you how to make french toast, my famous pasta, chocolate chip cookies that are just incredible, and the pumpkin pie that my dad makes. 

I wish we could have sat down and had coffee together. Real coffee. In mugs. Steaming our faces and renewing us after a long night. 

I wish we could have read together. Side by side. Not talking because, we didn't need to talk. Perfectly happy to sit next to each other and get lost in our own literary worlds. 

I wish I could have brought you to my hometown. I wish I could have shown you my house, my high school, shown you my room, introduced you to my sister. I wish we could have sat by the fire pit in the backyard and I wish I could have pointed up to the sky and shown you all of the beautiful stars. 

I wish you could have shown me your hometown. Shown me the places that formed you and shaped you into the man you are today. I wish I could have spent time with your family. I honesty wish I could have cooked with your mother because food has an incredible way of bringing people together. I wish I could have talked to your father, watching you and him interact, seeing the similarities and the differences. I wish I could have laughed with your sister, helped her navigate the difficult and sometimes dangerous waters of womanhood. 

I wish I could have spent the holidays with you. Learning about family traditions, meeting grandparents, looking at lights.

I wish I could have spent more lazy Sundays with you. Watching the news, reading the paper, talking about the world. I love doing that with you. You are so interesting to talk to, so knowledgeable about the world around you. 

As silly as this one sounds, I wish I could have given you more back rubs. I know they helped you relax and I wish more than anything that I could have helped you relax more. Gosh how I wish how I could help you relax, remind you that not everything has to be done that second, that it is okay to take some time to breathe. 

I wish I could have dragged you to a baseball game, gone exploring in a new town, or out to dinner. Just so you could have a little reminder that life exists beyond the everyday. 

I wish we could have traveled together. Played the "no one knows us here" game. Egypt? Sure. Paris? Why not. Greece? Hell yes. (I have wanted to go to Greece forever, this is not a new revelation, just for the record.)

I wish I could have shown you more of the intimacy that comes with relationships. The little kisses. The whispers. The random hugs. The light kisses on the neck during a drive. The looks that can convey a waterfall of emotion in a single glance. The reassuring hand squeezes. The shoulder rubs when stress starts to come. The sweeping of a hand across a cheek. The running of fingers though hair. The reassuring hand that rests on the other during a conversation. The kisses on the cheek as a reminder of presence. Those little things that people frequently forget.   

But I guess the bottom line is that I wish that I had more time. More time to show you what a relationship could be. Funny thing is, that you already know a lot of this. You did a lot of it totally subconsciously. You are going to make someone very happy. 

I don't really find myself wanting the extraordinary, because you so often made the ordinary, extraordinary. 

Most of all..

I wish that I would have turned around and looked you in the eyes when I said those three words, 

because I wish I could have seen your face 

and I wish you could have seen mine.