Happy

People always tell you to do what makes you happy. Unfortunately it is not always easy and our definition of happy changes all of the time. 

When I started dating my ex, I was really happy. I pursued him endlessly and I learned how good another person can make you feel about yourself. I thought it was going to last forever. But life changes and people change. Paths diverge and sometimes...things don't work out. But for a moment in my life, I was truly and unequivocally happy in that relationship. 

After breaking up with him, I have been lead to question what makes me happy. Is it writing? Being with friends? Working? Learning? And then it hit me. I want to make people feel wanted. I always have. While it unfortunately was not working out that way in my relationship, I feel like I have matured to a point and the breakup has finally allowed me to see myself from a different perspective. 

I was conceited, self-serving, and made everyone talk about me. It wasn't until I got out of the relationship that I saw this. My attitude towards friends has been changing, all of my energy is focused on worthwhile endeavors and I am doing what makes me happy. 

It is kind of weird. Feeling happy. I have been praying more, seeking out deeper relationships, and really trying to help that one person know how much they are worth and wanted. I know I cannot do any of this alone, this is why I have been praying so much. But it is still weird. For the first time in a long time, when someone asks me if I am happy....I can answer truthfully, 

yes.