Spring Break

I don't know how many other people have this problem, but I have such a hard time adjusting to the way my family works when I come home for breaks.

I get irritated at how differently my little brother is treated than me or my sister. I cannot stand the way my stepdad talks about people. I hate how my mother just accepts that it is just the way the family works. 

After being away at school and being in an environment where you can talk freely and say that you think something is wrong, I become so uncomfortable when I walk in my door. I have to change my behaviors and reactions so that I don't offend anyone. 

The thing is, I wish the change didn't bother me. I wish that I could just seamlessly move from one life to another. I wish I could stomach it all better. 

When I am at home I get so tense, am so quick to cry, and take everything personally. I let my guard down at school, because I don't need it. I forget that when I am at how the rules change.

The battle armor has to come back on. 

But I wish I was more gracious about it. That I was able to aknowledge that my family operates differently from my school and try to help change it. I don't want them to think that it is right, but I don't want to rock the boat either. I wish I had more patience with this. I need God to give me the patience and understanding to go through the rest of this week graciously and with a heart bent on helping instead of being a burden. 

I know this is something I can't do alone, so I need the help of God to get me through this. I need You to be there with me Lord. I need you to help me and make me feel more ready to take all of this on. Please, I am begging you.