Support

So, I made the decision recently to break-up with my long term boyfriend. It wasn't easy but it was for the best.

At any rate, what I have learned is that I was so focused on me, me, me all of the time. It was weird to me that I all of the sudden realized how many other people around me I had been neglecting.

I thrive off helping people and I hadn't been doing that for so long that I forgot what it was like to be part of someone's support system. I mean, when I can help people not only realize their potential but also help them learn how amazing and talented they are, I feel fulfilled. Now I know that I was not doing that with my ex, which is why I think we were so unhappy in our relationship. 

I think this has been a good realization, because now I pay so much more attention to my roommate and my friends. After all, they deserve my unconditional love and support. Just as they have done for me over the past six months. 

But there is also a snag in this. There is this other person who I feel so drawn to. I don't know what it is but they are just so interesting and engaging. The other thing is other people don't seem to give this person the time they deserve. That makes me really sad. Because they really are an amazing person when you take the time to get to know them. 

It makes me a little scared to even be thinking about this. But admittedly...this wasn't just a split second realization. It has been a building revelation and connection for a while...I just do not want to come on too strong. The last thing I want to do it drive this person away. Part of me feels like it is a futile pursuit because of the limited amount of time that I have with this person now...oh. And there is another tiny detail. This person is pursuing someone else...and I have little to no confirmation of reciprocated interest from the person. 

I mean while I know that they care about me and my happiness. I don't know if there is a relationship beyond what we are currently. It would be wonderful, but....logic. 

The moral of this story is that I am basically waiting. I have had the feeling that God has placed me into a perpetual state of waiting to see if I am patient and faithful enough to trust his plan, but I would love a sign...something. Anything. And I know that we cannot ask God for things like that but...

I just ask for His wisdom going froward with this. I don't want to lose a friendship just because of the pursuit of something beyond that.

But,

Patience is a virtue.