Popped Bubble

You know how they say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Well, they are right, but that doesn't mean it makes it hurt any less.

The thing with college is...people leave. Life keeps going. You can try as hard as possible to deny the inevitable, but in the end...the inevitable is still going to happen.

We try really hard to deny it. Holding on as long as possible. Trying to keep a grasp on the life we know isn't going to exist, for now, outside of your little college town.

Yesterday, my boyfriend broke-up with me. But, I mean there was a good reason for it. He was offered and took an incredible opportunity that will take him to DC this year and for better or worse, he decided that we could not continue our relationship past August. So, as opposed to spending the entire summer dreading the inevitable, he ended it last night.

It was sad, so sad. I even told him that he had taught me that I had the ability to love another person again. Essentially, I told him right there and then that I loved him. His initial response, a whispered "Oh my God." 

Maybe I jumped too soon, but maybe not. I feel like he deserved to know that he is very much loved by another person. As for me, I think I needed to admit it to myself that I actually did love him. I needed to say it out loud. I had been wondering what it was going to feel like when/if I ever said it. I was dreading it feeling wrong...but, it didn't. It felt good. I felt happy that I was able to tell him that. 

I don't know. Maybe it was just the wrong place, wrong time for us. Maybe we will be able to exist in another capacity in some other place in time. 

Everything else aside, I am really grateful for the time I had with him. I hope I was able to show him that it is possible for him to be in a good, loving relationship. That not all girls are heartless. That there are people who are willing to give him the time of day. Most of all, that he is loved. Not by just his family or his friends who say it all the time. But really loved. 

So this may be the darkest period in my relationship with him. It is really sad and emotional and heartbreaking. But it was borne out of so much love, laughter, joy, and happiness. I just want him to know that he is a wonderful person and that I harbor no ill-will at all. That I cherish our friendship and that I am looking forward to us both having very bright futures. 

Here's to the closing of one chapter and the opening to another. God bless you my dear friend. I wish you all the love and light in the world.